Medjokes




At the doctor's office a woman complained that she had been experiencing constantflatus. “Fortunately,” she added, “they don't stink.”
The physician did his physical exam, then instructed the woman “take two of thesepills tonight and call me in the morning.”
The woman did as he instructed. In the morning, she discovered that her flatuscontinued, but now the odor was horrendous. She called him back.
“Well,” the doctor replied, “now that I've cured your sinus problem, I'll see what I cando about your flatus.”


The nurse went in to check her patient in the ICU who was wearing nasal prongs. Thenurse tried to talk to him, but all she could get out of him was gasping and unintelligibletalk. Finally, the nurse thrust a note pad and pencil at the patient and said, “I can'tunderstand you, sir. Please write it down.”
The patient weakly scribbled on the pad, “Get your dang foot off my oxygen tube!”

Q: How do you know which doctor is a urologist?
A: He is the one that washes his hands before he urinates.

John: `How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?'
Doctor: `Cut your head off'.

Prisoner: `Look here, doc! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!' Doctor: `I am - bit by bit'.

A patient wakes up following an operation to find the doctor standing at the foot of the bed. "Doctor, how did it go?
"I have good news and bad news", says the doctor.
"Give me the good news, I feel terrible and I need cheering up"
"The good news is that we managed to save your testicles"
"Thats terrific. What's the bad news?"
"They are under your pillow."

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hoursto live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! That's terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the verybad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.

An elderly woman went into the doctor's office. When the doctor asked why shewas there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."
Takenaback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith,but you're 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth controlpills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
The doctor thoughtsome more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you tosleep?"
The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and Isleep better at night."

A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is herfirst pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions.
She replies,"Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will childbirth hurt?"
The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy topregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."
"I know, but can'tyou give me some idea?," she asks.
"Grab your upper lip and pull it out alittle..."
"Like this?"
"A little more..."
"Like this?"
"No. A littlemore..."
"Like this?"
"Yes. Does that hurt?"
"A little bit."
"Now stretchit over your head!"

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